“I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power. The dye has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of His. I won’t look back, let up, slow down or back away. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my […]
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The turnaround point in my life was 31 October 1982. I had spent the six years before my encounter with Christ, from the age of 19 to 25, learning about life in all the wrong places.
I struggled to find an identity. I was at the University of Witwatersrand during the 1976 upheaval in South Africa, not really knowing my place in the demonstration.
It was during this time period at university that I learned a lot, not only in lectures but also in the ‘School of Life.’outside of the class. I tried transcendental meditation, and, nearly became a Mormon as I desperately sought fulfillment from life. I also experimented with marijuana and sex.
After graduating from Wits, with a degree in Commerce, I decided that rather than serve “Tthe Aapartheid regime” in a two year compulsory military stint, I would leave South Africa. Having played tennis very seriously over the last couple of years, I thought that this would, at least, provide me with an income in a foreign land. So off I went to France, and over the next three years managed to work my way up to have a world ranking.
Nothing great, but at 505 in the world, you can make ends meet. However, together with the life of a traveling tennis player, are things that are not always in one’s best interests. And so, livningin a lifestyle, not untypical of a sportsman, I landed up with a different girl in almost every town.
This life seemed fine. On the outside people envied me. What more could a person want? Traveling the world, seeing exciting places, sleeping with beautiful women. However, there was no fulfillment. Deep down inside I knew there must be more to life.
And so, in August 1982, I found myself in a small town in the south west of France. Everything went wrong at this tournament.
The surface was meant to be played on clay (my favourite) and happened to be on hard court. I was told that my first match was scheduled for 10AM. I had misjudged the distance, as I was traveling from the east of France, and so traveling through the night, only to find that the match was scheduled for the late afternoon. The hotel provided by the tournament was far from suitable, although, the person in the next room appeared to be coughing himself to the grave. Not only that but the parties outside went to the early hours of the morning. This, together with the fact that there were no clean sheets and as I opened the door one evening a mouse walked out, was enough to want to exit fast.
So I “tanked” my match (lost it on purpose). Now I had arranged to meet a friend, Kris Duff, (an American who was coaching and playing in that region) on the west coast of France. As I drove out of that small town, I saw a sign pointing to Lourdes. I was Catholic.
I had a lot of hours to kill, so why not make a “pilgrimage”? Lourdes is a place where most Catholics dream of going, a holy site where the belief is that Mary appeared to a young girl, Bernadette. After walking around a while I saw a room with a sign. Only sincere reverential worshippers were to enter as “God was present” in that room. In I went, only to be disappointed.
If God was present, I hadn’t noticed. However, before leaving, I prayed a simple prayer: “God, if you are real, I want to know You!” No fireworks. Nothing! In fact that night, when I met Kris, we had a party on the beach which included, swimming naked in the sea!
For the next two months nothing really changed in my life. I continued in France, went across to America and then returned to South Africa via Greece, where I played a tournament in Thessalonica. Life was the same, tough matches during the day, parties in the evenings.
When I returned home I looked up an old friend, an anaesthetist, to whom I had given a few tennis lessons. We went out and something strange happened. After watching a film at the French Film Festival, we decided to go for coffee.
I said to him that I wanted to invite a girl I had seen at the movie. However, he did not understand what I said! I repeated myself twice and only then did he comprehend. Too late! Someone else had beaten me to the girl. So it was coffee alone! It was at a bar in Rockey Street, Yeoville on that night in mid October that I would meet someone who would change my life.
Seeing that I was alone, the natural thing to do was pick up a girl! So I started talking to a blonde girl in her mid twenties.
She said she was a Christian. Big deal, I thought, “So am I!” Not much of a spark in this relationship, but rather be with her than be alone! So I took her number and took her out.
It was a confusing time: part of me was drawn to her; part of me wanted nothing to do with her. So after a movie, I thought, that’s it. Time to move on!
However, there was still The Void! So Sunday night, I went togo to church, back to a Catholic Church in Yeoville, where a friend had gotten married, maybe that priest was there.
Maybe he can tell me what life is all about! I looked around and couldn’t see him. First fault. It turned out that he wasn’t there at the time. Double Fault. Game, set and match.
On the way home, I thought: “Who wants to be alone on a Sunday night!” So I stopped by Janice’s house. (Is this the blond that you picked up who said she was a Christian?)
The amazing thing was that she had left home early that day, and had only just arrived home to change for church. It was during that 5 minute period that I drove in!!!
Well the rest is history, I went to a small Charismatic church with Janice and a fortnight later had the encounter which changed my life – an experience with Christ which filled The Void in my life.
Having lived a life of promiscuity, the next period, celibacy, was as stark a contrast as one could ever imagine. Why go from one extreme to another – maybe it was in keeping with my way of doing things, maybe it was necessary in order to experience the other side. Which ever way I look at it, it was a vital and important period, qualifying me for the third period – marriage.
Marriage can be the closest a person will experience of heaven on earth. It can also be a person’s closest encounter with hell. What we put in determines what we get out – that’s why our perspective and understanding of sex is so vital. And that is the purpose of this book! Having been on both sides, I can honestly say which is better. Hopefully you can learn from some of my mistakes and miss out on someon the some of the failures in relationships I encountered. Maybe you can leapfrog the heartache, bypass the pain and succeed in what we all desire – relationship fulfillment.
